can't find home

by Four Mile Portage

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released January 1, 2014

Tom Maloney, Brandy Forsman, Kyle Ollah, and Bonnie Hundrieser. all but track 18 recorded live at Sacred Heart Music Center, Duluth MN. All photos by Deborah Sussex.


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Four Mile Portage Duluth, Minnesota

We play dances in MN and WI since 2005 for Tamarack Dance Assn, Tapestry Dance Assn, & North Country Fiddle & Dance. Sing, clog, and perform regularly at Amazing Grace Bakery and Cafe, Beaners Central, and Farmer's Markets. We love to get people dancing at parties & weddings, or happy to just to hang in a corner playing tunes. Guest artists on Charlie Parr's 2011 "Keep Your Hands on the Plow" CD. ... more

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Track Name: chilly winds
I'm going where the chilly winds the chilly wind don't blow
Going to my long lonesome home.
I'm going where the water tastes, the water tastes like wine
When I'm gone don't you weep, don't you weep for me
Track Name: sandy boys
Someone stole my old coondog wish they'd bring him back
jumped the old hog over the fence and the little one through the crack

Oh oh sandy boys waiting for the break of dawn (2x)

Mama she lays sick in bed, papa's gone to town,
Charlie wears those high-top boots, sure wish he'd come around

squirrley's got a long bushy tail, possums tail is bare,
rabbit's got no tail at all, just a little tuft of hair
Track Name: matt 20
Said the mother of James and the mother of John
promise me this will be done.
I want one on the right and the other on the left
my James and John will serve you right.

You don't know what you ask
can you drink from this cup?

Oh yes I can drink from that cup
my James and John will serve you right
put one the R and the other on the L
my J and J will serve you right.

Then the other ten, they overheard
said, “why not me?” I'll serve you right
put me on the R and another on the L
Oh yes we'll serve you day and night

If it's service you want
then it's service you will get
The one on the right will serve you all
the one on the left will do as well

Look at me I came to serve
with my own life I give you yours
Track Name: wait
From dust I came
and back to dust I one day will return
there is no one to hold me now.
My eyes are bright
but my voice is fading fast from your ears
my struggles here are almost through

And I wait for night
and I wait for my wake-less night
and I wait for you to call for me
and I wait in here
in this hollow shell
and I wait for you to sing to me

I have no fears
the alter comes on casters for me now
I will return and sing for you
My grip will ease
but something in me holds on today
my parting takes more than a day.
(call me home)
Track Name: home
i've had this feelin' since I was ten
I'm trying to get home and I never can.
Looking for people to call my own
I'm looking for folks who'll know this song.
and I can't find home

Snow covered white pine calls to me
the closer I get the farther it seems
Ruffed grouse jumps my heart to a race
trying to tell me to have more faith.
and I can't find home

fourteen water towers line the sky
I'm trying to figure out which one I live by
it's not like suffering it aint like pain
i just want to be called by my true name
and I cant' find home.
Track Name: ugashik tides
It's 5 pm on the east coast
it's 8 o'clock on the west
but up on top of the lines and the crowds
That sun just keeps on spinnin' without rest

Where it comes in clean and it goes out muddy
They swim out fresh and they come back red
Where the waters heave on the corkline
and the graying dawn of the midnight sun
has a rhythm all of it's own

A cool salt sea by the mornin's tide
a muddy river's all that's left here by one
the full moon sails over the mountain
and that sun just keeps on spinnin' without rest



Can an anchor hold back this river
Can my eyes lead me home in this fog
Will I find peace on this fixed dry land
without breathing in the salt and the mud

Chorus, but last line:
holds a rhythm that will guide me home
Last Chorus again
Track Name: iron sight bobby
As the sun comes rising up on the big hills
my Johnson outboard breaks the morning loose
Gonna cross from stove hill and look up the White Pine
there I'll see Bobby, my Iron-Sight Bobby

We'll share the stories, we'll hike the boot trail
we'll drive 'em all past Diablo Stand
With the fire started and the lunch stew ready
With my Bobby, my iron-sight Bobby.

A bear skin rug out of the garbage,
Run down garage that's been cut in two.
It's ain't about short cuts, when nothings wasted
He's my Bobby, My Iron Sight Bobby

Don't be afraid to blaze a new trail
there may be something worth finding there
you can't get lost if you trust your compass
just like Bobby, my Iron sight Bobby.

Bob taught the lessons he learned the hard way
he'd give you shit, but with a smile.
You always knew that he loved you
He'd been there and done his time.

Can you have no fear if you don't know fear?
no senseless rebels are needed here
let's trust our instinct, and use the iron-sights
They work best when you trust your aim.

And so I'll wait till my own crossing
carries me home to those big hills
I'll walk right up his white pine
I'll find Bobby, My iron-sight Bobby.
Track Name: if you asked
If you asked, I would tell you of the light in your eyes
the shines as clear and blue as the sunny winter sky
If you asked, i would tell you the shape of my dreams
the hope of my heart, the desire of my soul.

And I would tell you all. Withholding not a shadow
the broken and the whole. I'd tell you all.

If you asked, I would give you the best of my dreams
the work of my hands, the whole of my heart.
If you asked, i would give you the shelter of my arms
the strength of my body, my mind to understand

And I would give you all. Withholding not a shadow.
The broken and the whole. I'd give you all.

If you asked I would give you all that's in my heart
It's wrapped and it's waiting.
I would give you all. I won't give what's not wanted.
The broken and the whole. I give it all.

If you asked I would give you all that's in my heart
It's wrapped and it's waiting.
Track Name: tree stump chair
Everytime my grampa'd cut down a tree
he'd shape that stump into a little chair
40 years later, though he may be gone
all through the woods lie his little chairs.

Walkin' through the woods, thinkin' I'm the first one there
I see that grampa made a tree stump into a chair
Thinkin' to ourselves, we're blazin' a brand new day
we see grampa's upstairs laughing away

I courted my gal so strong and sweet
feelin' this love could not be beat
lookin' through the photos after world war II
I see grampa lovin' grandma just as true.

When I was a boy I whistled every tune
I's the best darn whistler that I knew
my mamma later told me grandpa too
whistled each day like I used to.
Track Name: good man waltz
I once had a man who's heart was a stone
I once had a man who's feet they would roam
I once had a man who loved me completely
Oh oh mama I wish I had known.

I thought that the first one would love me
I thought that the second would stay
I thought that the third would be just like the others
Oh oh mama I wish I had known

I'll look for a man with a true heart
I'll hope for a man who will stay
When I find me another who loves me completely
Oh oh mama he won't get away
Track Name: you're not wrong
I ask you if you love me
you turn and look away
now what am I supposed to do with that?

It's not that I don't love you
the problem's that I do
more than I can bear to show to you.

you're not wrong and I'm not crazy
we just don't understand
I love you and I'm scared to death of that.

Can you help me with this problem
Oh no no never mind
you're busy and I can do it all myself

I don't hear you, You can't hurt me,
when I screw up again
But what else did you expect of me?

Oh great now you're leaving
There's nothing I can do
Fine, I couldn't fix it anyway

Why can't you look and see me,
Walking really slow
waiting for you to call me home.

Can you hear me, when I call you
can you see me when I cry
Can you hold me when I'm pushing you away

Is it ok if I need you
Is it ok if it's hard
Do you love me even when I am a fool?

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